Where do we find hope in the midst of having to embrace suffering?

Tonight I received very troubling and tragic news about the wrongful deaths and disappearances of several individuals from a solidarity caravan headed to San Juan Copala, Oaxaca. This hit close to home for me, as two beautiful people (who I developed a great fondness for during my recent visit to Oaxaca) had originally intended to participate in this caravan.

Following the receiving of this news, my closest friends in the States with whom I traveled to Oaxaca called me. They, like me, found their hearts heavy and troubled by the terrible reminder of how easily people’s lives are violently ripped away and destroyed. And together we were confronted with the heart wrenching dilemma of trying to figure out a way to bring profound honor and redemption to the many people who lose their lives in similarly tragic ways throughout the world on a daily basis.

As I silently searched my heart for an answer to this dilemma, I felt compelled to transcribe part of an interview conducted in 1994 with Buddhist meditation teacher and psychotherapist, Jack Kornfield.

The following is Jack Kornfield’s response to the question, “Where do we to find hope in the midst of having to embrace suffering?”

This is from Martin Luther King, right after his church was bombed, and people were in great despair.

• We will match your capacity to inflict suffering, with our capacity to endure suffering. We will meet your physical force with soul force. We will not hate you, but we cannot in good conscience obey your unjust laws. But we will soon wear you down with our capacity to suffer. And in winning our freedom, we will so appeal to your heart, that we will win yours as well.
  

There is a way in our society in which we believe that the great strength of the world comes from a power over people. And there are two great strengths in the world – one is those who are unafraid to kill, and they run a lot of countries through guns and armaments and so forth. And the only thing that equals that, are those who are not afraid to die. So that our capacity to open to life is what gives our heart courage, is what gives us meaning. So rather than being despair, it is actually through that that we transform the world, and make it a place of compassion.

And so the other great power of the world, besides the power of arms, is really the power of loving kindness. It’s how Gandhi can go to East Pakistan at that time – and they send 60,000 troops to West Pakistan – and Gandhi is more effective through his soul force than 60,000 armed soldiers.

I had the privilege of working in the Cambodia Refugee Camps some years ago with a wonderful monk – an elder who survived the holocaust in Cambodia. And he decided to build a temple in the Khmer Rouge camp of 50,000 people. So we built this bamboo temple, and invited people to come whose villages have been destroyed, whose families… there was not a single intact family… terrible suffering. But the Khmer Rouge underground in the camp said anyone who goes to this temple, when we get out of this camp, you will probably be killed. So we didn’t know who would come. And he rang the gong after the temple was built. Fifty thousand refugees on hot dry barren land; and 20,000 people came to the square and sat. And he began the ancient chanting, “namo tassa bhagavato…” that they hadn’t heard through all the war. And people just sat in a kind of stunned silence as he chanted. And then it was time for him to speak. What could you say to people who have been through the destruction of their lives and their society? And Gosananda, this monk, took one of the first passages from the Buddha, and he chanted it in Sanskrit and in English, the words, “Hatred never ends by hatred, but by love alone is healed. This is the ancient and eternal law.” And he chanted it over and over. And people started to chant with him, and just sit there and weep. And the weeping was for their own sorrow. And the weeping was also for the fact that the truth he spoke was even greater than their suffering. That we’ve all suffered, and what will we do with it? Can we use it to transform ourselves to love?

Quote from Antoine de Saint-Exupery

All grown-ups were once children... but only few of them remember it.

- Antoine de Saint-Exupéry (The Little Prince)

Quotes from Buddhist nun Pema Chodron

• Gloriousness and wretchedness need each other. One inspires us, the other softens us.
  
  
• As long as our orientation is toward perfection or success, we will never learn about unconditional friendship with ourselves, nor will we find compassion.
  
  
• Compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It's a relationship between equals. Only when we know our own darkness well can we be present with the darkness of others. Compassion becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity.
  
  
• Learning how to be kind to ourselves, learning how to respect ourselves, is important. The reason it's important is that, fundamentally, when we look into our own hearts and begin to discover what is confused and what is brilliant, what is bitter and what is sweet, it isn't just ourselves that we're discovering. We're discovering the universe.

In the act of giving something is born...

• Love is a friendship set to music. – Joseph Campbell

When my spirit overflows with rich emotions, words are as difficult to tame as butterflies.
And so I remain rather dumbfoundedly speechless…
And instead rely on a grimace of a smile, watery eyes, a gesture of my hand to my heart, a deep sigh, and a softly spoken “thank you” to express the near to bursting feeling I experience in my heart.
People that are closest to me are familiar with this expression, because they are the ones who usually elicit such emotions in me.
And so… for these individuals, my closest friends, the ones I refer to as my-family-of-choice…
The ones who have shared with me their stories – some heart wrenching, some uplifting…
The ones who have shared with me their vulnerabilities – sacred glimpses into their most private worlds…
The ones who have introduced me to their loved ones, their families, their communities…
For these individuals I dedicate today’s posting.
I dedicate this to them, because of the joy and love they bring forth in my life.
I dedicate these few words to them, because they bring to life the following thoughts from Erich Fromm:

• The most important sphere of giving, however, is not that of material things, but lies in the specifically human realm. What does one person give to another? He gives of himself, of the most precious he has, he gives of his life. This does not necessarily mean that he sacrifices his life for the other – but that he gives him of that which is alive in him; he gives him of his joy, of his interest, of his understanding, of his knowledge, of his humor, of his sadness – of all expressions and manifestations of that which is alive in him. In thus giving of his life, he enriches the other person, he enhances the other’s sense of aliveness by enhancing his own sense of aliveness. He does not give in order to receive; giving is in itself exquisite joy. But in giving he cannot help bringing something to life in the other person, and this which is brought to life reflects back to him; in truly giving, he cannot help receiving that which is given back to him. Giving implies to make the other person a giver also and they both share in the joy of what they have brought to life. In the act of giving something is born, and both persons involved are grateful for the life that is born for both of them. Specifically with regard to love this means: love is a power which produces love…

Two quotes on Friendship from Henri Nouwen

• The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing... not healing, not curing... that is a friend who cares.
  
  
• When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand.